DIY Apothecary Jar: not for the OCD

What does that basket even say?  I don't know, but I must have it.

Before I begin, I must admit I have a soft spot in my heart for vintage products with writing on them.  A plain basket?  Eh.  A basket that has faded paint spelling out "Boothbay Harbor Oysters, 1875"?  Oh my God I want it.  I don't really know the psychology behind it, I guess once there's a story on it, it just becomes a mystery how this basket wound up in front of me, waiting for me to adopt it. Also, there is a > potential for ghosts.  I was lucky enough to nab this vintage marble apothecary jar at an antique shop, however, all the writing had faded off and the only part left was the chipped gold rim.

At least I think it is marble.  It's probably marble right?

I was a bit bummed it didn't have remnants of "Ess. of En.Daffo: fils" or some other incomprehensible writing for a remedy that probably was relatively ineffective back in the day, but the owner assured me that it would be WAY more expensive if it did.  So that's when I started drumming my fingers with an evil grin, a la Monty:

I could MAKE the writing!  Yes.  Except I didn't really want to, because I'm lazy.  So I came home, looked up images of fun apothecary labels, and printed out a few.

I was inspired by these jars

So I started cutting them and sticking them on, but none of them looked perfect to me.

Mind you, they didn't look bad, and actually now that I'm looking at them again I might like some of them better, but at the time, I hated them all and wanted nothing to do with them.  I'm fickle like that.  I actually threw them in the air in a fit of rage.  But so, there is nothing like failure to motivate a person, so I decided to make my own.

I found a thin sharpie, because paint wasn't gonna happen.  I decided to model it after the third one down in style.  I figured this would go in the bathroom to hold cotton balls and the like, and I wanted it to have a fresh feeling, so I decided to write "Tinct. Mentha Piperita," but there is a whole slew of delightful essences and ointments one can choose from if you so desire.  The writing part is a bit hard, but keep in mind that imperfections help make it look authentic.  I actually tried to make the spacing a bit different and some lines thicker than others.

My first go at it, I bunged it up and wrote TINT.  Then I was like, no worries, this will come off.  And then it DIDN'T come off and I freaked out, and then I tried nail polish remover and it worked.  When in doubt, always try nail polish remover, that stuff will eat through anything.

So this was my first pass at it.  What is that in the bottom corner, you say?  Why, it is old-timey apothecary measurements!

You can find the website here.

You can use drams or scruples or whatever sounds weirdest/looks coolest.  Mine actually is "A scruple thus," and I have no idea what that means, but (so sorry) frankly my dear, I don't give a dram. (So so sorry, I had to, you see?)

After the first pass, I went over it again with the pen to make it look a solid black, and once that dried, I did what I always do, which is do my best to ruin it.  In this case, I wanted it to match the chipped, faded gold rim, so I took a paper towel, dipped it in nail polish remover, and kind of dapped and swiped at it, especially around the writing that I had bunged up (the piperita part).  I found it worked best to lightly wet it and then chip at it with my nail.  After that, I went around everything with a q-tip to get the smudges off,  I wanted you chipped, not smeared, goddam you.  But really, my goal was to make it look worn with time and use.  It came out pretty well, but still has a few smears I can't reach that will haunt my dreams.

Les voila.

After that, it is just a coat of sealant and we are done!  Not perfect, but I much prefer it to the blank jar, and it will look perfectly lovely displaying my tampons. 

Man these fairies are difficult

My pride and joy.

As you know from this post, I am venturing into the world of fairy houses.  Since this is my first time, I have been experimenting with some ideas and failing at quite a few of them, which has been incredibly frustrating. I've found that it helps if I envision a pissed off little fairy bossing me around, at which point I obviously sass back, and this turns into a full blown confrontation and the only benefactor of this is my cat, who no longer has to deal with me yammering away at him all day.

Anyhoo, progress is moving along on the fairy houses, and I no longer feel like throwing them at the wall.  Not to brag or anything, but I think the boy fairy house (above) is looking somewhat decent.  Last I checked in, the house was a cream colored mess and kinda lumpy.  I decided to smooth over some bumps and add texture with some papier mache:

I kinda mashed it around with my finger to make it look like tree bark, and to my shock and wonder, this actually kinda worked.

Then I needed to stain it to look like wood, and I decided on a nice caramel color to contrast with the darker wood door and window frames, which was a terrible idea, because the entire house looked like ass.

Here's where I wanted to throw it at the wall.

But then I found a darker mahogany stain, and I swear I hear birds chirping when I took my first stroke because it was so damn perfect.  I was also outside, which could be the cause for the chirping, but I still refuse to believe that I'm not secretly Snow White.  From there I sealed it and made a cone-shaped moss ceiling for the main house and turret and forgot to take pictures of the process, and it is so frickin adorable that later on, when the zombies come and everyone is so depressed about everything, I'll reminisce about my very successful fairy house and people will be like, dude, you're supposed to be patrolling the campground and I'll be like, this is not a task I'm suited for, how about if I make you a fairy house?  And then they will be like, get out, and I will get cast into the dangerous outdoors where I am promptly devoured by bears, because they get just as hungry as zombies.

Here are some more of the pics - I just need to decorate the inside (possibly a chimney in the works?) and add some more moss to hang down over the side:

OK, in real life and up close, it really does look like tree bark, but in these picture it doesn't.

And now for my little niece house. It...is not turning out how I envisioned, but all is not lost.  I made one section of it, and decided to embellish it with some clay:

One quick bake, another layer of papier mache, some ombre paint to match the lilies, and then a quick addition of some interior vines:

It kinda looks like a weird Greenman face, which I didn't intend, but I kinda dig it.

Oh, did I mention I made a fairy bed?  I made a fairy bed out of a seashell, floral wire, feathers and an old earring for the headboard and I want a human sized one.

The problem is, I had planned on something a little more intricate, so I made another little hut with a proper door and window, but now I am a bit at a loss for how to arrange them because I am a little bit OCD about arranging in threes, and also I am trying to establish a purpose for the rooms, and also I don't wanna make another because what is it used for?  Her hookah lounge?

Clearly not finished.

My idea is that the main house will be where the fairy cooks, and the Greenman hut is where she sleeps, and maybe putting the main house up on a riser and creating a spiral staircase out of seashells but is that crazy?  It seems crazy.  Like, if you are a little kid, are you like, this fairy is certainly high maintenance.  I don't know, I need to think about it.

On a side note, during this post, I had run out of wine (I had a stressful day, ok?), and I just looked over and it had refilled, so either I had refilled my wine on autopilot whilst thinking about Greenman, who is awesome, or the fairy is trying to make nice with me to get me to build her a hookah lounge.  Well played, fairy, alcoholic bribes are definitely the way to go.

Fairy Houses!!

The fairy door that mysteriously appeared in Golden Gate Park, which has now mysteriously disappeared because the fairy was receiving too much attention and had to move.  Or because some a**hole methhead took it and will be burning in hellfire for all of eternity.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my lovely sister-in-law about possibly switching my focus over from mobiles to building fairy houses, because let's be honest, fairies are the best, and I would prefer to live the majority of my life suspended in a reality where fairies do exist but will settle for living vicariously through the innocent eyes of an excited young'in.  At that point, it was still in the "I've had a few drinks this is a great idea" phase, but being the ever-supportive sister she is, she promptly commissioned me to make one for my niece and nephew, which is fantastic, but also prompted an "oh crap, I need to learn how to make a fairy house right now" freakout.

I have been brainstorming for awhile, and testing out some ideas, so I figured I would show the process here, and also because my SIL is probably wondering what the f&%* is taking so long.  For my hippie, lovable niece, I thought I would do something involving lilies as a roof, and for my super-smart nephew, something a bit more masculine with branches and moss.

Here is the progress of the flower child house.  I could swear I took some photos of the in progress, but that's why your mother said swearing is wrong, because I didn't.  But basically I made a papier mache house with two windows and a door, and will be adding some vines and other accents, and maybe work on a few other towers to accompany it possibly?

This doesn't look good yet, but it will.  Oh, it will.

And for my nephew, I decided to make the entrance and windows out of branches, and I had the idea to make the entire structure out of branches and clay and would cover the clay with a moss roof and oh my God not a good idea.

Looks promising, right?

Errr...maybe if I just adjust...

Nope.  This is awful and quite possibly the worst thing I have ever done.

So, after that disaster, I decided that fairies would probably not like a branch home anyways because of the drafts.  I kept the idea of wood door and windows and built around it with thick paper and clay.

Fairy window and paper walls

It's a bit of an odd shape, I will admit, but I built up the clay around the bottom to try to make it look a bit more less weird.

Fairy door.

And the pièce de résistance, a tower à la Dumbledore's office.  

Complete with window for a miniature Fawkes.

I baked it, and will be layering papier mache over it to create a more natural texture, then possibly staining it to match the wood.  Still not decided on this as I kinda like the ivory color but I think it would be for the best.  Stay tuned, I will be posting updates as I continue work on these bad boys.

New Vintage.

There is nothing like a shopping high to confirm that you really should be cutting up your credit cards/seeking help.  I get all Buddy the Elf when I come home with a shiny new box of things, or more likely, used grocery bag of rusty, tarnished things, which naturally spirals into bank account depression and weeping.  I feel a bit better about not shame-crying over my recent foray into the Portland jungle of Antique stores because all these bad boys are going up on Cass & Merlune, so now you can shame-buy too!

My latest stash.

My favorite thing about shopping for antiques is that you never know what you're going to find.  With the exception of furniture and clothing,  it is highly unlikely that you will find anything remotely useful or practical, so you can go in there with the full knowledge that you will come out with something you have never known you wanted and absolutely do not need, like a Ship Telegraph lamp. True story.

This is not for sale.

Personally, I would use an antique bottle for absolutely every liquid substance if it weren't so entirely breaky, and I am going to have a hard time parting with these:

One is an old IV drip bottle - it actually may have held someone else's bodily fluids.  You can use it to serve bitters to cocktail party patrons, then disgust them all later when you tell them what it is.

 I posted some antique spoons and forks awhile back to see if other people felt the same love for tarnished silverware, and it turns out that according to Pinterest, they totally do.

My very first meme

So the point is, I bought some more, along with a tarnished shell bowl and a meat grinder.

Um, I was considering turning this into a farmhouse vase.  Weird?  I'm doing it anyway.

I found this awesome bottle, which will be getting a paint treatment later on, and a Tagus Copper Egg Coddler.  You can use it to cook eggs if you want a hell of a hassle, but to be honest, I think it would be better to use it as a display piece, especially with Easter coming up.

 A vintage wicker beekeepers bonnet!  Seriously, I would wear this.  But mostly I would display the S%^& out of it on a coat rack.

And lastly, an antique copper kettle that I have had for the past 5 years.  It was a dull tarnished copper, but I decided to patina it and it brought out colors I didn't even know existed on copper.

I will be listing these in my shop in the next day or two so be sure to check back!

Vicodin fueled mushroomed baby mobiles and an ornery peacock

I call this one: "I don't know how to ship you".  It's my personal favorite.

There is nothing like acute back pain to remind you just how fast one might perish in a zombie apocalypse.  Due to a cocktail of terrible LA drivers and ballet, every few years my back will wrench itself into a hunchback-like state that would drive Quasimodo into a jealous rage.  I am now on day 5 of  my first world hell, and while I feel like I have come a long way from passing out on the bathroom floor at 5 am and ugly-crying (day 1), I am still unable to function without my personal nemesis, pharmaceutical drugs.  On the plus side, as I am currently attempting to create a flurry of baby mobiles to sell on Etsy, I now have a valid excuse for a. talking to myself and b. Personifying and naming every woodland creature I have created.  Allow me to introduce you:

This is Hedwig.  He is practically perfect in every way.

This is Penelope.  She has been doing the Tracy Anderson method to overcome her pear shape.

This is Hank, and he isn't allowed in the same room as Hedwig because they bicker.  What's that?  He doesn't look like a Hank?  Well, this is why I'm naming them, and not you.

This is the beginnings of a fairy castle for Hank to throw temper tantrums in.

Some homemade shrooms.  I certainly hope mothers-to-be like mushrooms as much as I do, because I made a lot of 'em and these bitches are going everywhere.

Because the real purpose of this post is the hope that someone out there will want to give me money in exchange for these mobiles, here are some photos of the finished products, soon to be expanded once I am no longer in gimp condition.  You can find them here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/CassAndMerlune.